I don't know why it thinks that there are other running processes, maybe there are .pid files in the Gateway's logs directory? Can you use Windows add/remove programs to uninstall it? What happens after an OS restart? Does event viewer show anything IBM related starting?
On the Gateway node you need to 1) install IBM Installation Manager and then 2) WAS. You can use your current DB2 server but make sure that you open 50000 (outside/in) and ICMP as the installer will try to see if it's "alive." You'll also need 389/636 open to your LDAP server (outside/in).
You could have DB2 installed on your Gateway node if you are security conscious? The data stored in there is configuration data mainly but it's one less port opened. You would want to avoid LDAP in the DMZ, security risk!
Once WAS is installed then you can 3) install the Gateway application. Once installed you log into it using the details in AboutThisProfile.txt in the Gateway's logs directory eg D:\IBM\WebSphere\STGWAppServer\profiles\RTCGW_Profile\logs for Windows.
At which point it should be connected to DB2 and LDAP. You should be able to browse the LDAP from within the ISC > Users and Groups > Manage Users.
The knowledge center details the various steps quite well. Next big step is to add the IP address of the Gateway to your Community server's trusted IPs and restart it. You will need to open port 1516 bidirectionally so that you can add the Community server from within the Gateway's ISC.
I agree that it is a little confusing when the Gateway is treated differently to the other components which use the SSC as a deployment manager but it's all in the knowledge center, it's a case on finding it and then distilling it.
If you are having problems with uninstalling then just blitz the OS. You will spend much more time on configuration going forward so there's little value in spending time trying to uninstall.
Make sure you do ALL the network pre-reqs to ensure your server can be resolved both ways in DNS and SRV records if connecting to XMPP communities
http://www-01.ibm.com/support/knowledgecenter/SSKTXQ_9.0.0/admin/plan/i_rtc_t_planning_install.dita